From atop my lofty soapbox…

This is about religion. Let’s just get that shit out there now. Oh, also, there’s more swearing than normal. It’s been that kind of day.

Today on the rant docket: California lawyer Matt McLaughlin proposes an initiative making homosexuality punishable by death. OK, so he’s just proposing this initiative, but if he gets the number of signatures required, it has to be allowed on the ballot. I’m seriously doubting it’ll get that far, but weirder things have happened.

Basically, the “Sodomite Suppression Act” says that should someone be found touching someone of the same gender in a sexual way, they get shot in the head. Or banned from California for life. Why? Because he is looking out for the greater good, and doesn’t want all of us going down in flames, what with God hating the gays and all. Oh, and if the authorities don’t deal with offenders within a year from their sentencing, the general public can take it into their own hands and administer justice themselves.

(There’s a link in here where you can read the act itself. You should. It’s hilarious, in the bad way. )

Clearly this guy is a fucking assclown. There really isn’t one part of this initiative that makes logical sense. I’d like to think he’s just lol’ing it up somewhere, having successfully trolled everyone. But history has proven that people this idiotic do indeed exist, and can get law degrees, so let’s err on the side of caution. It’s just too much, though! Where do I start with the picking apart?? Since the material is overwhelmingly insane, random order it is.

Item 4: Sodomy and homosexuality are two different things. This initiative would put to death ANYONE who merely touches someone of their same gender with sexual intent. Meaning that drunken boob grab I shared with my bestie at the club 9 years ago (quick wave to Mom!) would have me staring down the business end of a shotgun. So it seems the name is just for dramatic effect, as it is just one of the many, many things you could be shot for if it passed. Neato!

Item 7: If the actual justice department doesn’t do their job quickly enough for Mr. All-The-Gays-Are-Out-To-Buttrape-Me, any old fuckhead on the street can shoot an offender. Yeah, there’s no way that could go wrong. Because people who would be okay with carrying out this sentencing would always use fair and balanced judgment. They wouldn’t just start shooting same-sex couples on the street, no. Because they’re good people. That’s why they’re shooting fellow humans in the first place.

Item 3: McLaughlin is concerned about the welfare of the world, which is why he’s doing this. Because we God-fearing folk shouldn’t have to pay for the sins of them there demon queers, so “it is better that the offenders should die”. Yes. That’s why option 2 is to ban them… from California. That is where all the good Christians are. Unfortunately for him, I’m pretty sure God doesn’t smite on a state-by-state basis.

Item 5: Sodomy is also called “buggery”? Really? When?

Item 6: Nobody can hold office, work in the public, or even GO in public if they are guilty of or support people who are guilty of these transgressions. Well no shit, they’ll all be dead. Unless they’re one of the 4 people that would ever be fined and sent to prison (let’s face it, everyone is getting shot.). But wait… would they go to a Californian prison? Because then they’d still BE IN THE GREAT STATE OF CALIFORNIA AND GOD WOULD STILL SEE THEM AND YOU’D ALL BURN FOR THEIR SINS! Also, you can’t just make the entire city of San Francisco obsolete. The world needs it.

Item 2: Murder is illegal, fuckhead. Also, God doesn’t like it either (but that’s not how we make laws, because we have separation of church and state, remember?). When he’s making his speech to Noah about how he’s not going to wipe out humankind anymore just because he’s a tad sensitive, he said that every human life should be accounted for, and whosoever sheds the blood of man is in huuuuuge fucking trouble.  (Gen. 9:6, MFKSV)

Item 1: OPEN A BIBLE ONE TIME, FOR THE ACTUAL LOVE OF GOD. God doesn’t mass-smite anymore. There was this whole ceremony, with a rainbow, commemorating it. It’s right there in the first book. You don’t have to read that far! Even in the case of Sodom and Gomorrah, the most-referenced city by assholes trying to make an insane point ever, he promised he’d spare the cities if he even found 10 worthy people. If McLaughlin doesn’t think all of California has 10 decent humans, who does he think is going to sign his initiative?

More than anything though, more than the moronic details of this all, is the thing that I want to yell at people like Matt McLaughlin constantly: Stop hiding behind God. Stop sullying the already pretty sullied name of religion. Be honest. Homosexuality scares you, and you don’t know how to deal. Why that is, whether it be denial of your true feelings or a past incident or what the fuck ever, isn’t for me to criticize you for. It also doesn’t matter.You don’t get to use your personal issues to try to condemn an entire group of people. People have tried in the past, and it has never gone well. You’re not saving ANYONE. You’re only doing harm. That is all. There is NO good that comes from this. But you know what there already is in the world? A whole heap of bad. Maybe instead of adding your shit to the top of the pile, you get a shovel and start figuring out how to make it better. You can even put God back in at that point, if you so please.

I am a religious person. I don’t flaunt it, push it on people, or even talk about it that much. Because this is what I get lumped with when I do. Also, because I don’t believe that alienating someone by trying to force my beliefs on them is what God intends. From my personal understanding, he intends us to love one another and take care of each other. Nowhere does he enlist his followers to end the lives of people they themselves deem offensive. You know why that is? Because all the gays, all the lesbians, all the transgenders, all the questioners, all the sodomistic propagators, all the allies, all the hetros who don’t like to shoot other people in the head, all the everyfuckingonenomatterwhat… we’re God’s children, too. Ask any parent if they’d let someone shoot their child for any reason, let alone for being who they are. Take the reaction you get, multiply it by the biggest number you can fathom, and imagine that much holy fire being rained down on your dumb ass for even thinking this bullshit up. Just imagine it though, because God would never actually do that. Rainbow, motherfucker.