Recently I was talking with someone about new relationships, and I noticed that everyone seems to ask the same thing when they come up. Some version of “where is it going?”. My knee-jerk reaction is to flip people off. But in all fairness, that’s my answer to a lot of questions. It’s not just that it’s nobody’s business, other than the parties involved. It’s not even that this question is usually asked in order for the questioner to then exert some sort of superiority over the questionee when they aren’t sure. It’s that I just wonder, why does it need to go anywhere?
How do you know, in the first place? Is there some sort of checklist? (While having this discussion with a friend, they suggested I refer to Disney movies. Alright, I meet someone new. Next, I will sing them a song, preferably accompanied by forest animals. Then we will ride a horse. Done.) Is there a time frame, and if the items on the imaginary checklist are not crossed off in it, will some unholy beast pop out of the bushes and devour my soul?
Why MUST things always be moving forward? We’re so motivated by these milestones in life, racing toward one after another, that we care less and less about the journey there. Inevitably, we will run out of milestones. Then what? In a relationship, you meet, fall in love, go away for a weekend, meet families, get engaged, move in together, get married, make your own family, buy a bunch of expensive crap.. and then what do you do? If you’ve spent the whole time rushing toward the next step, what do you do when you get to the top? Ideally, be content, settle into your lawn chairs and wait for grandkids, I guess. But aren’t you worried that without a new goal in mind, a next step to achieve, you’ll feel lost? In your lost feeling, what if you suddenly realized you were more focused on the race than your race partner? And then said partner turns out to be a total knob?
I know that it’s not always quite like that. But I do think that as a group, we’ve become too focused on what happens next. I don’t want that. I want to enjoy what I have, when I have it. Also, I don’t want to think about a future with anyone, other than myself and my son. It’s not that I’m sad or bitter, it’s just that I’ve finally started to figure out what I want.
I want to take naps and eat snacks. I want to be lazy on weekends and not feel guilty about it. I want to talk about stupid things and laugh so hard I can’t breathe. I want to read a book without worrying that I’m being selfish, because the other person doesn’t need my attention all day long. I want someone who listens to me, who intrigues me, who can live without me, but enjoys when they don’t have to.
Basically, I’ll be with someone because I want to, not because I feel I need to .And when I am, that’s all I’ll need. I don’t need any more rings, or papers legally making me someone’s possession. (That’s the way it’s worked for me so far, I’m just sayin’) I already have a family, I just moved and am in no hurry to do so again. Just because I don’t complete all the items on the checklist, doesn’t mean I’m doing it wrong. I’m just doing it in my own way.
I am a whole person, or will be one day. Whomever I’m with will be, too. I don’t want a “better half”. I don’t need a “missing piece”. Nobody, least of all Tom Cruise, will ever complete me. I got this on my own. I’d just like to share my Cheese Nips with someone every once in a while, that’s all.