How to be jealous, properly.

When I was but a simple-minded lass, whose head was filled with daydreams of charming, dark-haired princes rescuing me from my dreary life, I thought things like, “If only my boyfriend would get jealous when other guys talked to me. Then I’d feel good about myself.” I imagined it would be romantic, that whatever idiot I was with at the time would suddenly realize what an amazing woman I was and pledge his undying love. I had a lot of spare time back then, which apparently I filled with shitty romance novels.

Then, I got what I wished for. At first it was sweet. He was more affectionate when other guys were around. He pouted ever so cutely. Pledges were made, and sonnets written of my complete and utter amazingness. I felt accomplished, dusted off my hands, and moved forward.

Because that was it, I got my moment, we’re good now, right?

Nope. Not even close.

Cute pouting turned to angry accusations, pledges turned to threats, and as for affection… well it would’ve been easier if he’d just peed on my leg and gotten it over with. Needless to say, it was not romantic in any fashion.

Somewhere along the way, I realized it never was. The act of me talking to another person shouldn’t incite anything more than curiosity about the discussion at hand. I am not property. I am a grown-ass woman, and I talk to whomever I please. Fuck that noise.

This brings me to the actual rant for today (that was just the warm-up. I hope you stretched.) There are currently 2 pop songs with the title “Jealous”. Don’t hate on my love of pop music. That’s a different rant entirely. The first one is by Nick Jonas. It’s quite catchy, and I shamelessly dance to it when driving in my car. Here, check it out and dance around a bit yourself.

So here’s why it’s shit:

  • He assumes she’s starting to want another man because she’s looking at him. Looking. Maybe she looks with a different body part, but I look at lots of people all the time without promising my undying love or even ripping off their pants. Though, I was told once that if I returned affectionate looks to anyone, EVER, it would be immediate grounds for divorce. That’s not what happened, but I did live in fear for a while. Going out in public turned into me impersonating a meth addict, because I tried not to look in any one direction for more than 2 seconds.
  • He thinks it’s his right to be jealous, or at least hellish. Nope. It’s a choice, and he’s choosing to be a douche.
  • It’s her fault because she’s too beautiful. Oh, just fuck off.
  • He sees this overall as perfectly acceptable. Yeah… it’s not. We all have insecurities. We all have baggage, bad memories, emotional triggers, and lame crap that’s happened to us. Dealing with it can be tough. But at no time do we get to lash out at other people because of these insecurities. Caring about someone means you don’t want any harm to come to them, even from you. Keeping them from everyone else so that you can dole all the hurtful words out yourself doesn’t fall into that category.
  • The video is ridiculous. Why is he jogging?

Then, we have video 2. “Jealous” by Labrinth. I’ll be the first to admit, this guy could sing “Hot Cross Buns” and I’d be down, but check it out anyway.

Here’s why it’s great:

  • There’s no blame.
  • He accepts that this is how he feels, even though he hates it.
  • He wants her to be happy, and acknowledges that she is, even though it’s awful.
  • He wears a yellow sweater better than most.

The emotion on his face and in his voice make me want to hug him and tell him it will all be ok. I would rather have that reaction than the douchetastic bro vibe I get from the first song. That vibe does nothing for my dancing.

So if you must be jealous, do it responsibly.


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